.....

Such a nice dream that I was in Europe, in Prague again, wandering around in the rain, which turned to autumn snow. It was beautiful. I was with Rhea and for some reason she was at work in an office there. I contacted her and told her to look out the window. She had never before seen snow falling from the sky. I said to her "Europe's nice, huh? Ain't she beautiful?" I was excited to be taking her out of town that day, out to the hills where the snow is deep. Rhea and I may not have much in common, but we both love snow and that's something.

People tell me I should do this and do that, get a post-grad degree, go to China, get published, whatever. The truth is that I have no idea what I should be doing or what's best. I enjoy my life here in Sydney well enough. I have friends here and God knows it takes long enough to build up a network of friends in any big city. I feel like I'm too old to start again, it's just too exhausting to do it all over, make new friends, cut ties, go through the whole damn rigmarole. Maybe a three month trip to Thailand or China would be alright and then I could sublet the flat for a stretch without much trouble.

But even the whole effort of doing that would be too much hassle actually. When I think about it, it just makes my brain freeze up. I've done it all before, too many times. I've met very few people more uprooted than I am. I've been tossed about with the wind and I'm just grateful to have somewhere I can call home, at least for a while. It may not be perfect, it may not be the places that stirred my soul the most, in the same way that Budapest and Bangkok did, but it's a place I can feel comfortable. Relaxed and comfortable, as Johnny Howard wants us to be right up to the moment when he sends all the stragglers who aren't making enough money for his Australia in the direction of the gas, ladies and gentlemen.