I got up this morning, this Anzac day morning, promising myself I'd get to work. Alas it's now 4 in the afternoon and no work done. Shame, shame on me, huh? It's a chilly, rainy one here. This is the first day when it really feels like Autumn is here. I spent the morning in the bookstores, looking at volumes of art and politics. For the first time in a long time I felt happy in my space, looking out at the rain slicking the prettily decrepit streets of Glebe.

Too many people, too many cars. Too much consumption, too much crap.

Life goes on, it just flows on and on. Nobody much notices that it's actually getting worse and worse.

33 Americans die in a school shooting and it's massive global news. 33 Iraqis die and it's just another day in Iraq. Why?

Ok there hasn't been much of note here lately has there? Not a lot of redeeming features so it's probably time to rectify the situation slightly. Politics in Australia is as miserable as it ever was. Sometimes I have to wonder what the point of the opposition is, when we have a conservative government and yet the opposition is making more conservative pronouncements than the government and trying to outdo them for moral righteousness. I'm starting the think that Kevin Rudd is our very own Tony Blair. It's Labor not being Labor. Hmmmm.

Started reading Shantaram the other day. Great stuff, makes me think maybe I really could do it, even and especially under the worst kind of circumstances.

What is this thing if not a dumping ground? A repository for psychic refuse.

Alright alright, the suicide isn't really imminent. Just one of those off the cuff remarks you make after a couple of pints and an extra-large, home-poured martini. Depression is kind of like a fog that pours out over every thing and causes certain limitations in one's vision. I hate reading advice columns that suggest that one should be careful to get enough sleep. Does lying in bed staring at the ceiling or clutching the pillow count? Shit at least I tried didn't I?

Yeah yeah I know I haven't done much of anything here lately. But I've been busy, really. Busy lying in bed thinking, busy with work, busy procrastinating. Busy mulling over my imminent suicide....you know, the usual stuff.