Looks like it's been a quiet month. Amazing how deceptive appearances can be.

Yes yes I'm guilty of an awful awful lot

The body and the soul. We got both

Who wants to get torched?

Having a blast here. Oh yeah. Admin rules!

Oh man I'm loving it.

what?

We fling shit on the walls and call it art.

As some of you know it's been a stressful week this last week although we can't really go into the reasons here.....some things really are not for public consumption, not even here. I mean this whole web diary idea is a kind of let it all hang out thing, except......for some things. Those of you in the know know that.

Interesting what's happening in Iraq now, looks like they're trying to hold someone accountable for something. I just wonder why Bush isn't on trial for instigating the whole thing. If he hadn't given the orders to invade there would be no tortures, no murderous rampages. What the fuck was he thinking when he took the dogs of war off their leash?

On second thoughts it doesn't look soooooooooo bad.

Looks like I was raving yesterday, doesn't it? That's what happens after a few martinis, kids. Who says alcohol is not a dangerous drug?

Suicide is the opposite 0f sex. Talking about it is better than doing it

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm not and I never have been

No I'm not depressed. Who said that?

Yeah alright I admit it. Whatever the fuck it is

i don't take it back

............

Food should be raw, culture refined.

I was reading an article by Douglas Copeland recently about pet peeves. What was it he said that he really hated....people who are incompetent in their job, people who adapt the language of marketing slogans and politicians and the media into their everyday speech and something else that was just so cute and funny and I can't dang well remember. Anway, I'm with him on the first two. I'll add to that that I can't stand people who get upset because you've got a hole in your sock. It's a sock, covered by a shoe, therefore nobody will see it anyway....if civil war broke out I think you'd find there are slightly, ever so slightly more serious things to worry about. Then there's commercial TV, fast food, Dan Brown and all the people who ask me if I've read the Davinci code after I tell them that I enjoy a bit of literature. That's literature, people. hmmm

I'm staring at a blank screen again and there's just nothing.

So yes I am a failure at every level- artistically, socially, financially, spiritually. Funny thing is that it doesn't bother me that much because I am alive and I honestly never thought I would live this long. I really expected to be dead by about the age of 25, having lived fast and loose. It's easy to feel like that if you are suicidal from the age of 16, if you have breakdowns, if you spend your life dodging little whirlpools of depression here, and there. But seriously, it's nice to be here, it's nice to see the sun in the morning, smell the traffic fumes as I walk to work, suck back on my morning coffee and watch the passing parade, drink at the Colombian pub on Oxford street where the gayboys hang and the freaks stroll by. It's nice to wake up, having slept. It's nice to do my job, make my students laugh, give them something they can take with them, something different. It's going to be nice to get on a plane again and go somewhere good....Indonesia, Thailand, maybe the Philippines or even go back to Europe. It annoys me that after all those years in Europe I didn't ever once set foot in, or eye on, the Mediterranean sea. I want to enjoy the party islands....Ibiza, Corfu, even Crimea could be really something. What was it that Milan Kundera said about himself? "I am a hedonist in a world politicised to extremes." I'm a hedonist too, in a world that no longer has a clue about politics and keeps electing people like Bush, Howard, Blair, Putin. The braindead masses have been hijacked and co-opted by the shiny new modern fascists. But don't worry everyone. Just switch on the TV, watch Big Brother or whatever reality drivel is being pushed down your throat and everything will be just fine. Keep believing the marketers, the Hollywood formula films where the good guys always win. And then go back to sleep.

37 fucking years old. And, as Rhea says "you still haven't got a family." And, as I say, "I still haven't published anything." At least not in the sense of having published something in the covered, bound, publishing house sponsored sense.