Ever had one of those days when the black dog is sitting on you and you're just gasping for air?

One of the most disturbing things I've heard recently is the fact that NIDA students have to turn up at 9 every morning and if they are late more than three times they get kicked out. They are in there 6 days a week, from 9 in the morning until 11 at night. And then on their Sunday they have to write their assignments. No friggin wonder I never made it in the world of film and media. We all reach the level of our incompetence and ESL teaching is definitely a profession for those who can't make it in any other thing, an ideal sinkhole for also-rans, arts graduates who can't produce art that anyone would actually want.

What are we doing? We're just dust specks floating through space, numbers in the machine. We try to keep busy so that we don't have to face ourselves.

Had a dream about my sister last night. She was supposed to join me and mum at some kind of all night festival on a boat that was moored in the piers on the Parramatta River. But she didn't make it. We returned in the morning and asked her what had happened. Apparently she had fucked some guy there in the household. It was a big place full of all sorts of houseguests. I said jovially "what did you get up to? sluttttt!" But in her own defence she said she had been invited to drink with one of the girls, and had polished off half a bottle of some gawd awful liqueur with a name like vanilla ice or something. I asked her if I could try a taste of it, for some reason, and she lifted up a glass of it and skulled the lot then said "no". I was so flabbergasted I could not speak, but as I woke from the dream and lay in my bed I knew what I wanted to say to her. I wanted to say "you call yourself a Christian but you're not. You're just a totally selfish, slutty pig. Mean. If I have anything I want to share it and most of all I'd like to share it with people in my family, you too if you'd let me. But you don't want any of what I offer and you don't want to offer me a thing." And that, dear friends is one of the delightful family relationships defined right there in a neat little shell. Thank you Mr Unconscious for setting it all straight.

People say that our society values youth over all else, but has there ever been a time when people preferred being old?

Something has to change that's for sure. Just a bit of energy would be good so I can write another one. Publishable or not it doesn't matter.

One of the most beautiful theories going is the idea that everything that lives on this earth descended from extra-terrestrial life as a result of meteor showers peppering the planet's surface when the atmosphere was too thin to keep them out. In which case all of us are stellar travellers, extra-terrestrial men and women, aliens all, descended from the stars. Religion, space exploration, ideas of heaven and hell and holy mountains, may be there for that reason.

Another day, another one slipped away. There has to be a way to put a brake on that happening....