dahhhhling

I discovered the other day that Lucie has indeed given birth to her baby. I'd called her mum a few months ago (wouldn't dare call Lucie herself anymore) just to check up on how she's going, and her mum tells me she's about 8 months pregnant, but she won't tell me who the father is. Anyway, I decided to call her mum again just to see if she was now ok, her baby was ok. Both are ok, her mum said. In fact she said that the baby was wonderful, marvellous, then she asked me if I wanted to speak to Lucie. I said well no Lucie might not want to talk to me, but she passed the phone over to Lucie anyway. Lucie said hello, I said hello, then she put the phone down, like she did the last time I tried to call her whenever it was, a year or more ago.

I can't say I'm heartbroken but I'm not thrilled either. It's frustrating that she won't talk at all. That's about all I've got to say about it.

The state of my mental health these days is good. In spite of what some might imagine, it's never been better. Most days I don't even think about suicide, whereas in the old days the thought of it and the desire for it used to hang there constantly. Living didn't really interest me much at all, whereas now at least I can get up more than just a flicker of interest, most days. In fact, life for the most part was just a terrible, terrible burden. Nowadays it is actually a pleasure. It's a pleasure to get up in the morning and eat, a pleasure to teach my students and a pleasure to come home. I put that down in part to diet and exercise. For those of you who don't drink wheatgrass or take spirulina, a daily dose of both can turn things around quite dramatically.

No I'm not a depressive and if I sound like one I honestly don't mean to. In writing as in life, it's important to be both cheerful and honest. I'm as cheerful as I can be and hopefully my writing is an honest reflection of just how cheerful things actually are.